I almost forgot that i didnt update this blog as usual. It is so hard for me to let go 2014.. Why? I lost the most important person in my life. People will say everyone will die one day only we dont know when...its true. But if they sick or paralised maybe we will set in our mind that better they gone then to let them suffer.But when it came like this yesterday you chat to him and today you see him lying on the hospital bed with all the wires everywhere attach to him. I wont forget the day i received a call from my brother saying that ' Kakak, Abah masuk hospital ni, dia tak sedarkan diri." apa bnda awak cakap nih... " by that time im on the way back to go home... 8.30 pm... i still remember the time and tomorrow is new years...2014. When i got down from the bus.. my husband came and i dont feel like to talk to him..i just blur and suddenly i just sit on the grass and cried a lot ... oh my ..am i dreaming or what... i cant help myself i just want to go back to kuantan and hug him.... please tell me this is dreaming... but it is not a dream it is reality that i have to face.... damn i love him soo much... my tears wont stop falling...Everytime the phone ringing im scared. I dont want to hear that words... oh father please wait for me. We cant go home that night although we want to. I have to wait tomorrow to take the bus to see him.
That nite i cant sleep... my tears like a liking pipe which no plumber can fix it anymore... i cant to talk to the phone anymore..just my hubby take the call. Tomorrow we take the bus and 6 hours later i arrived at HTAA. I saw him there lying on the hospital bed with all the people crowded. im sorry dad you have to stay here although im entitled to have 2nd class but they put him at 3rd class. Theres no vacancy for him... When i saw him there i feel hurt. On 24th of December 2013 i come home as usual to see them and i feeling weird coz his like a little bit quite.He's a talkative person just like me and suddenly his silent make me puzzled. i go back for 4 days...and i back at JB before new year... 2 weeks ago i ate with him, chat with him, go around town with him, now he's lying there oh it really hurt me.... never second i leave him by his side.I recite yassin and wipe him and massage him but he dont want to chat with me anymore.. :'( please father please wake up... your daughter is here.... i chat with him i say when you wake up we will go to jb ok you like to go to my house right... (im the only daughter in the family)... he's admitted on the 1st January 2014, on the 4th Jan i decide to go back to jb to apply leave 3 mth to take care him...when i leave him still no sign of waking up. Everyday and everytime i will call them to know the status.....everyday i pray please dad open your eyes... i miss that brown eyes you have and the laughter and the angry that you gave me.... but he wont listen to me.....on the 8th Jan 2014, that morning my cousin call me. She say to me when is the earliest bus that you can catch to go back? i said 9 am why? You take any bus and come back today. I feel puzzled again. about 11 am she call again and then she said do you want to talk to your dad? i said yes... and my tears roll again from my cheek... Abah ampunkan kesalahan kakak ye Abah...kakak mintak maaf ye Abah... Abah tggu kakak balik ye...although he cannot open his eyes or move his body but he can listen..... All the way from JB I cry and crying until my eyes swollen. My brothers didnt tell me that he past away but the feeling that i have is so confirm... Doctors want to take off the supporting oxygen around 5pm but the brothers said they want it at home... in the ambulans they said he opens his eyes... and when he reached home (Sg Isap) again his open his eyes for the last time and I think he glad that he gone back to his place. I arrived at 9 pm at the Surau. I saw many relatives and people that i know also there. Slowly my cousin take my hand and she guide me towards the surau... i saw many people surrounding something but my head are already blank... i saw my uncle and he walk to me and whisper jgn nangis ye.... and i just nodded my head. when they saw me they open the crowd and lying on the floor is my dad which have been in his white cloth and smells good... i kneel down and kiss his forehead as usual, kiss his left and then the right cheek.... i saw him really calm and like sleeping.... then i saw my mom i grab her knee and cried loud... am i dreaming again? just a few days ago i saw him lying on the hospital bed and now lying there with the white cloth... my mom pull me and bring me outside and she cried also when she saw me cried...
All my relatives console me hug me and pat me at the back and say those word sabar biarkan dia pergi dengan tenang... my mom told them that i didnt know my dad past away..they didnt told me coz they know that i love my dad sooo much..just like i said eventhough they didnt tell me my heart already feel it.After that i saw the body being carry and put in the "van jenazah" will be buried the same day after isyak.. so here we go again... with tears on my cheek i follow the "van jenazah" until it reached the cemetary. When i see my brothers all wipe their eyes i know they hurt too... especially my third one he's the closest one i saw him tears never stop rolling...i saw my little brother also the same .... i feel dad is over there watch us... my mom sit next to me... i try not to cry but when i heard the 'TALKIN' being said my heart beating so fast and its like killing me...i cried in silent ... i know that it is time to let each other go. He will be there until the end of the world and we all will be with him one day too....DAD i love you more than anything, if you not around I wont be like this now. Thank you and good bye dad.. i will take care our family.... Allah will be with you until we meet again Daddy... love you forever....
Abah,
Takkan ada yang panggil kakak dengan panggilan baby kecuali abah
Takkan ada org yg col kakak hari2 kecuali abah
Takkan ada yg mengadu lagi pada kakak selain abah
Takkan ada lagi tempat kakak mengadu selain abah
Takkan ada lagi pengganti insan bergelar abah....
Dalam kenangan 8 Januari 2014...
From your loving daughter...
That nite i cant sleep... my tears like a liking pipe which no plumber can fix it anymore... i cant to talk to the phone anymore..just my hubby take the call. Tomorrow we take the bus and 6 hours later i arrived at HTAA. I saw him there lying on the hospital bed with all the people crowded. im sorry dad you have to stay here although im entitled to have 2nd class but they put him at 3rd class. Theres no vacancy for him... When i saw him there i feel hurt. On 24th of December 2013 i come home as usual to see them and i feeling weird coz his like a little bit quite.He's a talkative person just like me and suddenly his silent make me puzzled. i go back for 4 days...and i back at JB before new year... 2 weeks ago i ate with him, chat with him, go around town with him, now he's lying there oh it really hurt me.... never second i leave him by his side.I recite yassin and wipe him and massage him but he dont want to chat with me anymore.. :'( please father please wake up... your daughter is here.... i chat with him i say when you wake up we will go to jb ok you like to go to my house right... (im the only daughter in the family)... he's admitted on the 1st January 2014, on the 4th Jan i decide to go back to jb to apply leave 3 mth to take care him...when i leave him still no sign of waking up. Everyday and everytime i will call them to know the status.....everyday i pray please dad open your eyes... i miss that brown eyes you have and the laughter and the angry that you gave me.... but he wont listen to me.....on the 8th Jan 2014, that morning my cousin call me. She say to me when is the earliest bus that you can catch to go back? i said 9 am why? You take any bus and come back today. I feel puzzled again. about 11 am she call again and then she said do you want to talk to your dad? i said yes... and my tears roll again from my cheek... Abah ampunkan kesalahan kakak ye Abah...kakak mintak maaf ye Abah... Abah tggu kakak balik ye...although he cannot open his eyes or move his body but he can listen..... All the way from JB I cry and crying until my eyes swollen. My brothers didnt tell me that he past away but the feeling that i have is so confirm... Doctors want to take off the supporting oxygen around 5pm but the brothers said they want it at home... in the ambulans they said he opens his eyes... and when he reached home (Sg Isap) again his open his eyes for the last time and I think he glad that he gone back to his place. I arrived at 9 pm at the Surau. I saw many relatives and people that i know also there. Slowly my cousin take my hand and she guide me towards the surau... i saw many people surrounding something but my head are already blank... i saw my uncle and he walk to me and whisper jgn nangis ye.... and i just nodded my head. when they saw me they open the crowd and lying on the floor is my dad which have been in his white cloth and smells good... i kneel down and kiss his forehead as usual, kiss his left and then the right cheek.... i saw him really calm and like sleeping.... then i saw my mom i grab her knee and cried loud... am i dreaming again? just a few days ago i saw him lying on the hospital bed and now lying there with the white cloth... my mom pull me and bring me outside and she cried also when she saw me cried...
All my relatives console me hug me and pat me at the back and say those word sabar biarkan dia pergi dengan tenang... my mom told them that i didnt know my dad past away..they didnt told me coz they know that i love my dad sooo much..just like i said eventhough they didnt tell me my heart already feel it.After that i saw the body being carry and put in the "van jenazah" will be buried the same day after isyak.. so here we go again... with tears on my cheek i follow the "van jenazah" until it reached the cemetary. When i see my brothers all wipe their eyes i know they hurt too... especially my third one he's the closest one i saw him tears never stop rolling...i saw my little brother also the same .... i feel dad is over there watch us... my mom sit next to me... i try not to cry but when i heard the 'TALKIN' being said my heart beating so fast and its like killing me...i cried in silent ... i know that it is time to let each other go. He will be there until the end of the world and we all will be with him one day too....DAD i love you more than anything, if you not around I wont be like this now. Thank you and good bye dad.. i will take care our family.... Allah will be with you until we meet again Daddy... love you forever....
Abah,
Takkan ada yang panggil kakak dengan panggilan baby kecuali abah
Takkan ada org yg col kakak hari2 kecuali abah
Takkan ada yg mengadu lagi pada kakak selain abah
Takkan ada lagi tempat kakak mengadu selain abah
Takkan ada lagi pengganti insan bergelar abah....
Dalam kenangan 8 Januari 2014...
From your loving daughter...
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